Yoga: The thrills and spills of a five day fast to heal my broken heart… Part 1

FastingIn the next couple of articles, I’m going to write about what brought me to the decision to embark on a five day, mostly water fast, why fasting is practiced and the dos and don’ts of partaking.

Part One – Why did I want to fast?

Living according to the yogic philosophy is no small undertaking. At times we have to push the limits of our physical existence in pursuit of clarity of mind in order to be able to see past the murky waters to the bottom of the pool at which rests the beauty of our being. My mind had been cluttered with the debris of what has felt like more than a million heartbreaks, from the first I remember being our dog Bonnie parting to a more recent heartache on discovery that someone I had fallen in love with was already married (nice of him to tell me after I’d already fallen in).

This recent heartbreak really did leave me feeling utterly desolate. It was as though the lid lifted on more than a lifetime’s worth of pain which appeared to keep me caught in a consistent cycle of manifesting the same thing over and over again, often, year on year. Most of my friends and followers know that I have an incredibly open heart and I have had a tendency to attract men who have themselves, needed a great deal of healing. I have also felt as though my emotions ruled my actions. I was left feeling that everyone I have ever loved simply seems to leave me including everyone in my family.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not one to continually dwell on the past but when the past is still in the present and you are feeling unsupported and unloved by the people in your life you have most cared about, it is very difficult to be in a happy place. Although consciously I knew that I am more than held in love by friends and even strangers – as was shown to me the morning that I really felt as though I’d hit rock bottom when I told Mr Married that if he wasn’t going to sort his crap out then we’d better stop talking. That day I had 7 separate messages from mostly friends who had no idea of my state of mind at the time who had all felt called to send me a message to say, “I love you” or “you are loved” or one that came from someone I haven’t even met or spoken to before right when I was digging into my toes, patching myself together in an attempt to go and teach a yoga class, “Nicola, just felt that you needed some love this morning.” (Magnus Agugu – Magical Marvellous Masseur)

Having utilised a number of spiritual practices in the past from tapping to chanting and obviously my daily yoga practice and having even gone so far as drinking ayahuasca (more on this will come in later posts), I was feeling at a loss on where to start since nothing so far seemed to have quite cut it and my budget was looking far from healthy so going on a detox retreat was definitely not on the list. In fact, I am still somewhat indebted to the last shaman who worked with me.

I happened to be reading a blog written by someone who specialises in psychic development – something that until now I had been rather skeptical of, even though she mentioned studying psychology at Oxford! She described a method through which you can connect with your spirit guides: ask a question, write it down and put it under your pillow. I asked, “What techniques do I need to heal my heart?” I then had a dream about someone having a colonic irrigation. I woke up shocked at how obvious and vividly clear the message was to me. It made absolute sense, especially having drunk ayahuasca previously without purging. My body needed detoxing!