Yoga: Meditation and the wonder of Osho. Day 2

So as promised, yesterday I tried the catharsis meditation again. I breathed as chaotically as I could for ten minutes feeling moments where I struggled for air before getting back into my chaotic rhythm again. I found the most difficult bit not allowing myself to fall into a rhythm and finding a groove in which I wasn’t hurting my nose! Next was the explode section and for some reason, I had felt that, if as Osho says, we have buried emotions over many years, I must surely still have some anger left and I found myself consciously looking for feelings of sadness and anger. I found that I began looking for reasons to be angry or sad and frustrated based on what is happening in my life now but still struggled to feel genuinely angry.
This happened once before when during a shamanic healing, the shaman asked me to vent any anger I felt towards my parents and the same. Nothing happened. So at this point I felt a little lost and given the pain my calves were in, thanks to the previous day, the idea of another 10 minutes jumping around shouting “hoo!” was frankly, nigh on impossible. Feeling a bit of a failure, I soldiered on thinking, well, Osho did say if it doesn’t feel like it’s beginning to click, move on to the next. So, I donned a headscarf as a blindfold, danced around for the requisite 40 minutes for the nataraj meditation followed by 20 minutes of laying in silence and felt as though I’d fallen asleep save a few moments where it felt as though I were somewhere in between worlds. Somewhere floating above yet still physically feeling my body, extremely awake. There was yet no love, peace or eternal happiness but I did wonder if I was finally beginning to hit on something.