Life: I am a yogi but I’m also human; tips for disaster management
Those of you who follow me on facebook and twitter have probably already heard that I had a monumental let down this Monday. I left the flat listening to Rachel arranging to collect keys for our cosy cottage and booking the removal van having packed half of my stuff and when I returned a couple of hours later, it was to hear her say, “I just can’t do it. I can’t leave London. Especially now that Dan, my ex-boyfriend has said that he wants me to flat share with me.”
“Sorry?” was my initial response, unable to believe my ears and thinking, surely this has to be another one of her meltdowns – the ones she has every hour of every day about everything from whether or not to buy cat food to whether or not she should attempt to defraud the benefit system. Having digested this news, I spat it back at her as I felt my world crumble around me – although much of it was lying in bits across the flat – and screamed at her to get out of the flat. I just couldn’t quite believe that considering the treks I’d made up to her boat and back every time she had a nervous breakdown, helping her move, running around after her, doing all the house hunting because she was busy freaking out about what to do with the £105k she made from selling her boat, all of which virtually ran me into the ground before we’d even lived together, she waited until I had packed half of my stuff before pulling the rug out from underneath me. You see, I had no plan B. This whole move was based on a barter and a barter is based on honour. Unfortunately, the other half didn’t uphold her end of the bargain and left me dangling by the neck almost. Realising that I could be facing another stretch in the dive of a London flat, possibly trying to get a business going there because that was my plan, made me feel as though someone had sucked all the air out of me. I spent two days in the same clothes, hiding under a tear stained duvet.
Eventually, I began listening to the voice inside that said, “Come on Nic. You knew she was a bit of a nut job. You even said yourself you had felt as though you were in a relationship that was going bad and every time you tried to finish it, she batted her teary eyelashes at you and convinced you otherwise. You’ve escaped. Be glad for it and fight for what you want.” So I did. I held my truth. I told my sister that I didn’t think it was fair that she was sat on £60k from the sale of my nan’s house and that, though my brother and I had been disinherited, I would have expected her to pass on some of the windfall, even if just enough to help me out of this rut. She worked hard and cared for my nan in the last years of her life and had been left half the house but wanted to uphold my nan’s wishes by not sharing it. I told my sister that I knew she thought she was doing what was best but that it actually wasn’t and that if the situation had been reversed, there was no way I could stand by and see my siblings suffer near homelessness whilst I sat in my three bedroom house that I have all to myself with thousands of pounds in the bank. Now don’t get me wrong. I do not begrudge her windfall at all and I am not interested in the money. All I am interested in is getting myself to Somerset and a stable roof over my head. I was never very close to my nan so I didn’t expect to get much at all (though was shocked to be written off completely as if I didn’t exist) but the problem came when I felt that Sarah was behaving quite selfishly in the name of my nan’s dying wishes. I had to be honest with her about how I was feeling because I knew if I didn’t, I would be living a lie and during a time so traumatic, with money being the key issue, it was impossible to pretend that I thought her actions were ok. I felt the lack of honour she had shown me as her sister to be the most hurtful part of the whole thing.
Meanwhile, I was receiving messages from Rachel along the lines of, “I am really sorry but trust me, I haven’t slept since the start of all this and I imagine we both feel wretched.” As though I am meant to sympathise and be taking these next steps with her. My friends have all been mortified and it was suggested that I ask for financial compensation for the time and effort and trauma it has caused to my life but this suggestion was met with the accusation that I’m emotionally blackmailing her. Well. I think it’s probably her conscience doing the blackmailing and I actually would rather wash my hands of her.
So this week has been an enormous test. One that I felt I had failed considering that I lost my temper, ended up in an argument with my sister and… got stoned and drank wine *shock horror* I can however, share some key learning points with you should something difficult happen to you:
No matter how hard it is, always speak your truth. If you feel someone has hurt you, bring it into the open and try and keep your focus on love. The difficulty can be that the other person is not coming from the same place and will therefore hit back in anger but if you are speaking from the heart and reflecting back that person’s behaviour, you are in good stead. Sometimes anger must be vented in order to move on from something and make more space for love.
- The spliff and alcohol were nowhere near as powerful as the cup of vanilla and chamomile tea made with love and handed to me in the midst of my emotional tornado whilst Rachel got her bits together to leave the flat.
- Take some time to hide away under the duvet for a day if you need to. Let the tears flow.
- Lean on your friends, that’s what they are there for and feel gratitude for their love. I don’t remember the last time I felt so protected.
- As soon as you have calmed down enough, meditate. The nadi shodana breath will help in calming you.
- Get straight back into your yoga. It will hug you and make you feel so much better 🙂
- Listen to your inner voice – if I had, I wouldn’t have gone down this road in the first place.
- Accept that things do happen for a reason and there is a lesson in every negative situation.
- Spend time in the garden and/or with children and animals. They will help ground you.
- No matter how much people criticise you, if you are acting on the side of love and fairness, brush it off.
I now have enough cash in the bank to get myself accommodation sorted and the first steps on my business ladder thanks to my sister’s eventual generosity and I will be coming to a town near you (if you’re in Somerset that is).